Parents... let us start with you... gender inequality theek karen!

Since the unfortunate case of Nirbhaya a couple of years ago, I have been meaning to pen this piece down. I was hoping some mainstream author would emphatically convey the view that parents should be the first group in society to change their attitude, if we wish to see rapid change towards gender equality. Unfortunately, I did not hear many such voices, or if at all there had been any, they got dissolved in the noise of new laws, increased funding for women safety, Govt. responsibilities, need for change in men's attitude in society etc.

Girls do not start to suffer suddenly when they are in society, on their own. Both girl's and boy's mind-set is shaped by their family first. Majority of the times, girls are never listened to by their own kin... i.e. parents, siblings, relatives, neighbours and then society at large. And unfortunately most parents and family members will disagree with that. 

Actually women can really take care of themselves as long as men do not bother them.

The one societal group that can actually bring about rapid change in our society is that of girl's parents/family/neighbours. They have high stakes in the well being of their daughter and if adequately motivated can bring about real change very rapidly in the society. 'Wrong' men in the society can also simultaneously be tackled by law enforcing agencies. Imagine if parents can not change their behaviour towards their daughters, what hope we have that men in society in general will change theirs.

Here are very few generic sounding habits for parents, specially of a girl child, that IMHO can help. It can be a start, however if practised widely, these steps can go a long way in building a society of safe, confident and self sufficient women. Biggest change can be brought by parents themselves. 

• Let your daughter research and choose her own mobiles, dresses, jewellery, movies, scooter/bike, make-up, sports, college, university, career, jobs... before she is 'expected' to 'choose' her husband. 
• Let your daughter decide when she wishes to return home from a friend's place or a movie in a safe way on her own... before she has to decide the same for her children
• Respect and agree to, when your daughter says no to anything that she does not want to do or being done for her... before she can expect that men on the street would respect her 'No' too
• Include her in your family decisions regarding anything and everything... before she has to do the same with confidence for her own family as a responsible adult
• Include her in your decisions pertaining to your business ... before she is ready to take her own business decisions
• Ask and value her opinion about politics, cricket, bollywood and muhalla gossips... as she can shape your opinions too
• Encourage her to criticise you when you go wrong, and take that criticism on board ... before she can do the same to the rest of the world
• If you like to celebrate over a beer, do it with her too if you would with your son... as she will have plenty to celebrate in her life
• She surely looks pretty in a sari or a salwar kameez but let her decide as and when she wishes to wear jeans, trousers, shorts or a dress ... as she ll have better fashion sense than you
• Make sure she does not live with the burden of family izzat, at least not more than what mum and dad and brother are living with ... as she will have enough of 'normal' challenges in life just like any other adult in the society
• Let her choose if she wants  divorce in her marriage, if things have become unbearable for her... eventually it is her life and she deserves to have it better, as anyone else
• Teach your sons and daughters cooking, cleaning and washing. No gender bias
• While doing all this, just don't gloat about your 'progressivism' that you are doing this for the betterment of your daughter. You should be doing it anyway, its just that you would be improving yourself as a human being
• Let her be a human being and not merely a gender 

If you find some of the things against your 'culture', and your boys are allowed to do it, then actually it is your ego and hypocrisy that is preventing you from doing something life changing for your daughter. Gather the courage to change yourself first before expecting the society to change for your daughter.

These steps, probably wont stop rapists from their violent acts. But these steps will surely consolidate a girl's identity as a human being and not merely a weaker gender. She will have lot more confidence in confronting men who do harm, and challenge law enforcing systems that do not stand by her when she needs them.

All images are sourced from internet

Please feel free to leave comments, for a constructive discussion