Parents... let us start with you... gender inequality theek karen!

Since the unfortunate case of Nirbhaya a couple of years ago, I have been meaning to pen this piece down. I was hoping some mainstream author would emphatically convey the view that parents should be the first group in society to change their attitude, if we wish to see rapid change towards gender equality. Unfortunately, I did not hear many such voices, or if at all there had been any, they got dissolved in the noise of new laws, increased funding for women safety, Govt. responsibilities, need for change in men's attitude in society etc.

Girls do not start to suffer suddenly when they are in society, on their own. Both girl's and boy's mind-set is shaped by their family first. Majority of the times, girls are never listened to by their own kin... i.e. parents, siblings, relatives, neighbours and then society at large. And unfortunately most parents and family members will disagree with that. 

Actually women can really take care of themselves as long as men do not bother them.

The one societal group that can actually bring about rapid change in our society is that of girl's parents/family/neighbours. They have high stakes in the well being of their daughter and if adequately motivated can bring about real change very rapidly in the society. 'Wrong' men in the society can also simultaneously be tackled by law enforcing agencies. Imagine if parents can not change their behaviour towards their daughters, what hope we have that men in society in general will change theirs.

Here are very few generic sounding habits for parents, specially of a girl child, that IMHO can help. It can be a start, however if practised widely, these steps can go a long way in building a society of safe, confident and self sufficient women. Biggest change can be brought by parents themselves. 

• Let your daughter research and choose her own mobiles, dresses, jewellery, movies, scooter/bike, make-up, sports, college, university, career, jobs... before she is 'expected' to 'choose' her husband. 
• Let your daughter decide when she wishes to return home from a friend's place or a movie in a safe way on her own... before she has to decide the same for her children
• Respect and agree to, when your daughter says no to anything that she does not want to do or being done for her... before she can expect that men on the street would respect her 'No' too
• Include her in your family decisions regarding anything and everything... before she has to do the same with confidence for her own family as a responsible adult
• Include her in your decisions pertaining to your business ... before she is ready to take her own business decisions
• Ask and value her opinion about politics, cricket, bollywood and muhalla gossips... as she can shape your opinions too
• Encourage her to criticise you when you go wrong, and take that criticism on board ... before she can do the same to the rest of the world
• If you like to celebrate over a beer, do it with her too if you would with your son... as she will have plenty to celebrate in her life
• She surely looks pretty in a sari or a salwar kameez but let her decide as and when she wishes to wear jeans, trousers, shorts or a dress ... as she ll have better fashion sense than you
• Make sure she does not live with the burden of family izzat, at least not more than what mum and dad and brother are living with ... as she will have enough of 'normal' challenges in life just like any other adult in the society
• Let her choose if she wants  divorce in her marriage, if things have become unbearable for her... eventually it is her life and she deserves to have it better, as anyone else
• Teach your sons and daughters cooking, cleaning and washing. No gender bias
• While doing all this, just don't gloat about your 'progressivism' that you are doing this for the betterment of your daughter. You should be doing it anyway, its just that you would be improving yourself as a human being
• Let her be a human being and not merely a gender 

If you find some of the things against your 'culture', and your boys are allowed to do it, then actually it is your ego and hypocrisy that is preventing you from doing something life changing for your daughter. Gather the courage to change yourself first before expecting the society to change for your daughter.

These steps, probably wont stop rapists from their violent acts. But these steps will surely consolidate a girl's identity as a human being and not merely a weaker gender. She will have lot more confidence in confronting men who do harm, and challenge law enforcing systems that do not stand by her when she needs them.

All images are sourced from internet

Please feel free to leave comments, for a constructive discussion

AAP mein kya ho rha hai? Mere hisab se...

I am not a political expert, but a volunteer who devoted some of his time towards  the cause of Aam Aadmi Party (AAP), remotely. So these views can best be taken as, by someone who has been a keen follower of Indian politics for last few decades, and tries to keep an eye on world politics often. I will keep them very short, promise!

(Mr. for all names in the post below)

The birth:
AAP was born out of a mass movement, wherein a chunk of people believed that the system can be more readily changed by being a part of it... more so by being in the hot seat of power. It was and is lead by a person who has been in the thick of mass struggles for at least the past decade... Arvind Kejriwal (AK). AAP was also joined by demagogues and ideologists such as Yogendra Yadav and Prashant Bhushan. Their experience inclines more towards the intellectual side ('should be' side of party affairs rather than the 'get it done' side).

The conflict:

I strongly believe that AAP leaders are not a breed that seeks personal gains. I believe the real conflict is not between personalities or different core principles. Rather it is between priorities. One side (AK et al.) wishes to get power (predominantly in a clean way), get on with doing things for the masses and keep on working at improving the processes to meet the core principles. The other side (YY & PB et al.) prioritises on implementing the rule book from the word go, and after doing so... if it obtains power, is willing to work for the masses. Otherwise it is happy to agitate and work from outside the power corridors. The first side prioritises on wining elections even if it has to compromise a bit...(not a lot..to keep DNA intact) on some of the principles. Whereas, the second side does not prioritise on winning elections at the cost of compromising principles at all.

Who is right?
Both sides are right and wrong, depending on how you see it. No one side will survive without adopting the other side's priorities at some stage. It is a matter of making proper systems so that the good points of each side are not lost.

An example from history

There are probably many, but I can recall one from recent past which has atleast conceptual similarity to present AAP crises.

The 'historic blunder' by CPM. Jyoti Basu (JB) and Harkishan Singh Surjeet (HSS) were willing to take PM post, after third front seemed to be able to form a Govt. JB and HSS wanted to demonstrate by their actions in power what they could achieve, but the central committee (all powerful body) of CPM overruled them. The reason was similar, rules of complete power superseded and they decided against forming the Govt. That paved the way for HD Deve Gowda as PM. The present situation of CPM is that it is on downward spiral since then. There can be many reasons for that, but I believe that the 'historic blunder' surely contributed or set the path as ideology became too heavy to handle and 'agitators' were sidelined completely.

Conclusion
Perhaps too simplistic, but I like to keep it simple.
When movements are on crest, 'ideologues' try to take lead and show the way forward with absolute commitment to rules, forgetting that it is the agitators who have lead the way till now. 'Agitators' can lose the way if they lose sight of the goal and start to compromise on the core principles. If any lessons are to be learnt from the recent history and given the present societal structures, I believe this time around 'agitators' need to lead with their actions for masses, and a constant, transparent effort to improve the systems that will prevent them from making compromises on core principles. Ideologues will have to take the back seat, but keep a constant watch. It is still a win win situation, just that true to its DNA, AAP can do this in a non traditional way and let 'agitators' lead the way, with 'ideologues keeping a close watch. 

@docvatsa
13.03.2015

Ref: Historic Blunder
Comments are welcome below, for a constructive discussion.